CHANGE!!!

Long time away.
I've been doing some soul searching and have come to the conclusion that CHANGE is necessary at this time (inevitable I dare say). A wise woman (Pastor Mo) recently challenged me to make a change in my life...she wasn't speaking to just me, we were close to 300 in the room but I heard it (i'm sure) clearer than most people.
First I must say I am officially delivered from people...oh trust me, it's a good feeling, I didn't know  I wasn't until I commenced the soul searching. The journey to change stared for me a few years ago, 2010 to be precise that's when I decided to go natural and trust me as hard as I knew it was going to be, I took the plunge.
Now four years after and I'm taking another plunge...this time a harder one (you might say I have a knack for Herculean tasks)...
I am a strong believer that when things are going to happen (good or bad) someone is always ''sent''. My messenger was 1.7 mtrs and 152 pounds (Peace) she said if in 90 days you do anything continuously it becomes a habit; she also said to achieve anything one needs to DECIDE, COMMIT and DO...
so here I am trying to make a healthy life style a habit.
For the next 90 days I'm doing this.
I am not only working on building better life style choices but my attitude, character and becoming a dispenser of good. I want my aura to be on of pure joy and happiness.
Come with me as I share my challenges, Victories and wins with you...health they say is wealth and I'm making a change starting with the girl in the mirror...
90 days,  this is Day 3 and it's been a challenge I tell you.

Restart..

Restart..
welcome to 2014 and 'living your best life'. It's a new year and s time of doing new things.A new begining often signals the start of or commencement of a new thing; it also means to undergo the first of or to begin to do something.
Often we allow our past redefine not just our present but our future.what is that new thing or few things as the case may be that you what to begin doing?it's important to be able to identify them. For me two major things come to mind; first, asking questions and, eating healthy funny you may say. I used to allow missed opportunities get to me; but since I heard a wise man re-state that 'the earth rotates in it's orbit and on it's axis' I know i'll get another go at it. However it's my preparation to face it again that determined what lessons I learnt.
So, as 2014 takes off my first tip to living your best life is "START OVER" I say that again "START OVER". Don't be afraid of a new beginning.  As mysterious as it may seem, it might just be exactly what you need.
"START OVER" and remember to love your best life!

COMING SOON!!!

Some of the greatest human needs is to be understood and appreciated (loved). The world is often filled with messages that tell us we aren't okay or we have failed. In the ''Living your best life" series, we will attempt to address topics that help us live the best life we can while fulfilling the basic human needs.

watch this space!

Wanda's Tale...

Domestic violence and Mental abuse are issues we often gloss over. It mostly gets our attention when victims are deceased of maimed. It's sad how we turn deaf ears to the loud cries of domestic violence quick to say "it's not my kettle of fish". Domestic violence transcends gender or race, it also goes beyond physical abuse. more and and more people suffer psychological and emotional abuses more often than physical abuse. Lets help stop domestic violence, if you're not a victim you could be affected.

Here is the story of Wanda.

 Wanda was young and by many standards beautiful. She was swept off her feet in her 300 levels, contrary to her terms she agreed to a whirlwind romance.

The proposal was wonderful, fit for a movie scene. Then she said yes.It was the first day of camp and the stress of wedding plans weighed heavy on her mind. A month later the wedding done and NYSC underway, life was sweet.The slap that hit her cheek wasn’t expected; it’s force pushing her to the ground. Her sobs were silent but the stream of tears poured freely… He would later apologize and tag it an act of the devil.Baby in hand and loads of chores to do Wanda ponders what it’ll be like keeping a job a dream she can’t pursue, her first class certificate lay securely in the bottom of her Echolac box. ‘’hon, don’t you think I should get a job’’ the awkward silence stretched…she feared the beast had been angered by her question; “I could help with up keep”  it was the sound of shattering glass that broke her concentration, he had aimed and barely missed her,  the tumbler hitting the wall. That night she learnt suggesting help was an insult; after all he was the man. The news of her second pregnancy came with mixed feelings, friends and family had a glossary of advise “why can’t you leave him, he’ll kill you, what kind of love is this?” Oh! She wished she could provide answers to these questions she had often asked herself. “He loves me, I know he does, he’s just frustrated” “you know a woman is the one that makes the home, just stay and make it work”.  Was it all her fault, had she brought the emotional and physical pains to herself? Did she deserve it all?

The night was hot a constant reminder of the scorching Abuja heat but PHCN had struck and trying to pacify two angry toddlers in these conditions weren’t easy, she didn’t want him agitated either. The neighbors’ son had been frantic and his wails could be heard a block away.“why would I call my wife in my own house and she wont respond? Are you stupid?“hon, I’m sorry I didn’t hear you call”“so I’m now lying” she knew better not to pick an argument but he had been edgy since his return from work. She was still limping and nursing her dislocated rib from last weeks beating, another would probably leave her hospitalized.

Before she could muster the words ‘I’m Sorry’ his punch hit her so hard she was thrown off balance. It was now her cries for help and pleas to her attacker, her lover, father of her children that filled the air. The neighbors were more angry than sorry, they needed the peace and quite… so, no one came, no one. As her cries faded so did her breath…

As the casket made it’s way down the aisle he could only wonder why no one had stopped him, he was regretting every moment of it…the neighbors cried knowing they would live with the fading sounds of her cries from that night.The stares of the congregation were like bullet hole penetrating his body even his children had a dead look in their eyes, had he ruined their childhood?The armed guard quickly whisked him away just as the ambulance drove by, her family had used a picture of her smiling, and the poster looked so much like the Wanda he had met some 12 years ago…   

Dear Jill

I'm going to assume most of us remember the nursery rhyme ''Jack and Jill"? it went something like ...Jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water... well, I'd just go ahead since my story isn't about that Jill, it's about me; I am the Jill in this piece.

Only a few months ago I started receiving letters that had vital information and knowledge. It was addressed; ''dear Jill,'' hence my new title. The letters addressed a glossary of topics.
I always anticipate the weekends, it became my new saturday ritual knowing that I had something coming. The letter had such accuracy and exactitude, hitting every burning topic spot on. Imagine my joy when I realized jack was also receiving letters; of course I started reading his as well (not that it wasn't for me to read).
  It soon became habitual that I even shared its content with friends and anyone who cared. Here is a bit of one such letters;

dear jill,i want to share an insight with you this morning. I had gone to the cinema with my wife and as we drove back i stared into the night through the window of my thoughts, and then a profoundness hit me. it occurred to me that as we go up and down the surface of this earth we are collating data. Essentially thats what we do.We are data collectors and to that extent we are storage facilities- servers. we go up and down gathering data like a robotic space probe on planet Mars.We are data rovers. Our eyes are cameras, our ears collate audio files, our senses are receptors. We have specialized apparatuses. We gather data, record images, sounds of life, words, knowledge, pictures of places, videos of interactions... I'd never seen things this way even though it's so obvious. Our eyes record life. We store sundry data in our brains. 

The man who lives to be 70 years essentially has 613,620 hours of video and recording. That's terabytes of data. Theoretically, at the end of our lives someone can plug in a hard drive and download all the data collated.  Perhaps God does, who knows!

When we meet in social fora we are essentially creating a network of servers for transfer of information. At such functions we acquire additional data, using them to analyze the data we have. Same thing goes on at work, only that it is a more focused and purposed interaction. We forma dedicated network of servers, sharing pertinent files to maximize productivity. As I meditated on this thought I came to understand human identity and why we're different from each other. Our identity is in out genes (which is legacy data code)and the information we collate as we move through life.

WE ARE DATA!  Information is our identity, on many levels. Indeed when you think about it we behave according to the information we have.A man is said to be educated because he gathered certain types of information. A gossip is someone who gathers certain other types of information. We are the information we gather. We become the information we acquire There is a second level of differentiation of identity however, and it's related to the foregoing. We achieve further differentiation by the way we process data. As we process information so we turn out to be. This is the basis of that ancient saying: As a man thinketh so is he. The ability to process information correctly to arrive at practical solutions is what we ordinarily call wisdom.. We must develop the ability to process information correctly in order to succeed in life and relationships. Now let me shock you with a further bit of insight: the processor of information is not the brain! All the brain does is machine the sequencing of information. The real processor of information is actually the information we gather! Words are processors. 

We use information to process information. Let me illustrate. Assuming you have a friend going through a very rough patch in her relationship Daily she regales you with terrible goings on in her relationship. She's giving you data. What then happens is that you use her data to process the data you collated on your relationship. Using her data you can arrive at certain conclusions. For example: a). My friend is dating the wrong guy. A good relationship starts with the right choice. Or... b). My friend is quite stubborn. I must avoid stubbornness in my relationship so I can be happy. Or.. c). My friend's boyfriend is terrible. Men are terrible! Or... d). I'm lucky to have a good relationship and a good man. I'd better treasure it and treasure him! e). If we collect wholesome and edifying data we stand a better chance of arriving at wholesome relationships. f). Be careful about how you use the data of someone else's experience to process the data of your relationship. Relatedly, don't get into what Jesus called "offenses". Simply defined, creating "offences" means occasioning trials and temptations for others. Don't maliciously use data implantation to destroy the relationships of others just because you have challenges in yours. And don't let anyone do the same to you. You must be discerning in your interactions. 

Well, I believe I've given you a lot of data to help you navigate your relationship. Like I always say, what you do with information is up to you. Your mentor, LA.

A friend of mine introduced me to Leke Alder, now, I am insisting you follow @Leke_Alder on twitter, your paradigm is about to shift. 

World youth day 2013...

 

The United Nations defines Youth as persons between ages 15 to 25 while the African youth charter sees youth as persons between ages 15 and 35.  Age has become the easiest way to define this group particularly in relation to employment, education, politics and the likes. 

Youth have often  been discriminated as a result of this and no fair chance given for the full expression of their potentials.

The Youth form about 85% of the world's population and 30% of migrations world wide; so it would be OK to say, the youth make up the world... 

This years 'International Youth day' celebrations has the theme; ''Youth Migration: Moving Forward'' .  As a young person myself, I am not unaware of the challenges (whether social of economic) we face. Rural-Urban migration has been recurring for centuries and it's not about to stop; and youth are most often the ones moving. Several factors are responsible for this move. 

In Nigeria for example, most youth raised in rural communities are all in a hurry to move into the big  cities in search of a better life. The attraction is often that life is better in the cities. This move accounts for the crowded nature certain cities in the country. 

 For any nation to thrive there is need to create space and opportunities for empowering young people and giving them due recognition for their contributions.  When the youth of our nations are brought into nation building and development rather than being reduced to political thugs and tools of propaganda, real progress can  be recorded.

It is no surprise that the active population of any nation is it's youth, the passion and energy they channel into productive means can quickly be misdirected when proper avenues of channeling skill and know-how is not provided.

Rural-urban migration can be reduced when infrastructure and equal opportunities are created across border. This will also help to curb cases of trafficking as well as abuse and modern slavery.

Let the youth speak with cohesion so that a clear voice is heard, let the youth shun violence and refuse to sell their mandate for a piece of bread. When the youth take a stand, change can be effected. 

Going Natural!!!

It was 2010 and I had just resumed in Lagos, the heat was biting and the sun hotter than ever. Haven recovered from product buildup, my hair was now long and black again but I couldn't get th full head of hair I wanted.
So, that day I went to the salon to get it retouched and afterward asked the lady to cut it in half...AH! her expression was as suprising as mine, it took me ten seconds to finally decide it was time...Well, the hair finally half it's length (barly making a pony tail) I still didn't want to go low and start growing the hair again so I decided to let it grow out, but a few months later I got frustrated (combing had become a nightmare).
I moved back to Abuja and february 2011 stumbled on a Youtube channel 'beautiful brown baby dol' she had almost all the answers..that was the first time I heard the word transition used in relation to hair...then I found blackonyxxworld.com  and learnt how to care for and style the hair as short as it was..
Today I'm almost 2 years full natural and I can say I have seen tremendous improvement in hair health and growth..

feeling my twist out?





 

 I faithfully watched, followed and devoured every suggestion I saw on youtube and other natural hair blogs, some good, others were just plain  bizzare..

 Transitioning:
 It was a trying period but fritful as I came to find out. let me pause to share with you some tips on transitioning.  From the day you decide to go natural you have two basic options, a BC (big chop) or Transition.It's actually a more delicate process than the BC, when transitioning your hair tends to break cos the weakest point of your hair is where the new growth and the permed hair meet..
when you decide to transition you need to;
 - start treating your hair as if it's all natural
-avoid using heat on your hair too often (no matter how tempting)
-keep it moisturized all the time (I use shea butter, coconut oil water etc)
-wear protective styles (braids etc)
-avoid touching your hair so much;
-comb your hair wet or damp..(use a wide tooth comb)
-research (read,study,ask questions,join groups online)
-get support (get in touc with other naturals, you'll need the support)
- know your hair type (e.g 4a,b,c)and how best to treat it...all hair types don't demand equal attention (mind you, you can have two hair type on your head...it happens).

wearing protective styling..

This is actually the time where you can experiment things that'll end up being routine for you as you evolve..

 Now back to my story:
As I transitioned I always trimmed off bits of  hair..it took about 8 months before I had my BC; I cut off all the permed hair leaving me with a TWA (teeny weeny afro) by then, all those that had things to say would say them but I had built tough skin (and it's my hair so I didn't bother)
I also learnt eating healthy and drinking lots of water helps hair and skin health. I also took some supplements during that time.


one of 'em days

So as you make the fabulous decision of going natural, need I say you have to convience yourself it's what you want (hence shutting all nay sayers out); and it's not automatic, just as you care for permed hair, your natural hair won't be healthy if not catered for... So whether you want to remain natural like me, or go back to perm after a while, you need to research proper ways of caring for your hair type...
You deserve better looking hair
I'll be back with more hair gist...

 

ATM palaver !!!

I used to be an advocate even marketer for them; I lured everyone in my house to believe in them, I even went the extend of defending their minor mess-ups (or so I thought) then i get slammed.
with all that has happened in Nigeria's banking sector and technological advancement, one would expect that certain things never occur or be cut to the barest; well I was shocked, I'm still shocked.

Ok, I operate like 3 different banks (as a matter of personal choice) 2 for saving and one a spending account (you know just to have some order in my life).

In 2011 I needed an ATM replacement for one of the cards, I walk into a branch of the Bank (not my main branch o) and in 15 minutes I had it in my hands. So silly me, thinking other banks (especially my beloved) would be in that phase I waited till the month my GT card was expiring and made a request for the already produced card to be sent to my base.

It has taken 5 weeks (..and counting) for one card to be transfered from Bauchi to Abuja, the latest I heard was, the card was transfered (on an unconfirmable date) but not received and I had to pay (again) for another to be produced (how incompetent) I had to pay twice for someone's mess.
 I came back to the office lamenting after an hour of loitering the banking hall and my colleague had been experiencing similar issues with another GT branch (ATM issues)he was also making the not so tough choice of leaving the bank (which I'm still considering).

In this long wait I have had to call GTconnect like 3 times (sorry to say, the people on the other end of the line don't know what they are doing) nothing, absolutely nothing came of it even after wasting valuable air time. I even met several customers at the bank who were debited (some today others as far back as January) and the money is yet to be returned; I heard one of the ladies who happened to be visiting Abuja say, ''they just lots a customer''... what hope do I have...ehn, and to think someone will be rude to me and even roll their eyes as I make my case, they expect one to just be calm (there goes my order...so much for 3 accounts)

I'm tired of how incompetent people are at discharging their duties leaving others to suffer the consequences......this continues in 8 working days Lets see how this plays out(it will be about 2months plus when I eventually get the card).

Girl Power!

The power puff girls used to be one of my favorite cartoons, I can't remember if it was the fact that they were products of a lab mixture or the powers they possessed that got me hooked but, I was a fan (saying it now still makes me wonder).
Every woman has super powers; it's a myth I love to hold on to, it makes being a woman explainable (cos we're like super hero's).

This piece is for women across the world who struggle daily to find expression in a society that puts a lid on their potentials; women who don't have a voice even in the confines of their homes, women who make the desire for equality needful; women who have to work twice as hard as the male folk to be noticed and recognized.. then there's that bit about being the weaker vessel, is it ever going to be our world too?

To all those who lost their battle with breast, ovarian, cervical and other cancers not because they were weak but because basic health care was lacking.
For women who died in labour,for lack of primary health care... making the maternal mortality rate in Nigeria the largest in Africa...

To all the young girls who become hawkers for their brothers to go to school while they are deprived the same privilege. 
To all those who survived horrific rape and domestic violence and have to watch their attackers roam freely because the justice system has flaws and society blames you anyway!

To all professional women, working mothers, who manage the home front and still excel in their chosen careers. 
To women who nursed children that turned out to be great men...

To every woman who does not allow her femininity connote weakness, who isn't afraid to make an impact and prove the nay sayers wrong.
To every woman who struts in stilettos being classy and fabulous yet impactful.   
Women who aren't defined by what they wear (head to toe) or smell like but by character.
Woman celebrate your beauty, your strength and great wisdom; celebrate the women around you (they are on your team).  

Until you've walked in a woman's shoes (literarily) you can't understand what we go through to become who we are.

Our deepest fear isn't that we are inadequate, 
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure... Marianne Williamson.

Hair, health et al...

at the very start...

In the last few months (maybe a while longer :D) I have said nothing about my natural hair journey and as I have come to find out, (I must say) each day comes with it's peculiarities but, I haven't had to regret the choices I've made.

My first few months of going natural was rough (as with most new things) and there was little or no encouragement (something I tried preparing for). I recently realized  I just got use to the stares and 'not so silent' remarks people made about my hair, kindda made me feel special :D
Some were good others bad and some, outright disrespectful...(well everyone has their opinion)
Then there are those counting down to when I relax the hair (as if I have complained to them...)

my mantra...

What I do now is maintain a routine I can handle, try to block out the bad comments and watch the hair grow.

Valentine day 2013

Shea butter has got common place in my routine as well as extra virgin olive oil, coconut oil mayonnaise (sounding like a pantry...) like me, I'm sure you'll realize the healthiest hair regimes are better with natural products.
Wash day is always exciting, the smell of fresh pressed lime, the feel of mayonnaise on my hair and the final gratification I get from knowing that I can just wash and go..

Health and weight loss have been another priority on my list of things to do. my rude awakening came after I saw people shed weight, some might have used artificial aids (teas and other stuff) I desired the result but didn't want to use artificial means, making a life style change was a better option...now I know and think differently; besides the need to build more body confidence and feel good, I need to keep fit and stay healthy.

The next couple of weeks will be filled with breaking sweat (making the most of the hot weather too :D) I may stumble here and there, but I'm motivated to make it work this time..really make it work. I may not have cheerleaders, I am my own motivation!!!
So watch this space...follow me in the next few weeks and lets see where this takes me...

As the health fight begins; I hope the results will be as pleasant as my hair has been...I'm glad now I can say without mincing words that I have a head full of hair :D
Oh....for those who care to know, I'm not relaxing my hair soon, not in a number of years hahahha